Hello there, friend,
Last night I couldn't sleep. I laid in bed, awake for hours while the night rolled away from me. I know why -- I have something I need to cut out of my life. I know this yet I'm resisting, even though I believe it will be better on the other side.
Usually I don't have so much trouble giving things up. I've come to realize that there's an ebb and flow to everything, a time to add and a time to release. I'm okay with that. Ultimately what I want is for everything to be easy and for everyone to be supportive. I want to feel understood. But it's not always the case. The world is broken. We all are broken.
Still I am reminded of the poem by Raymond Carver, "Late Fragment":
And did you get whatLast night I recited it to myself as I drifted off, like a child singing herself to sleep. A promise that it's going to be okay.
you wanted from this life, even so?
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.