Tuesday, October 13, 2015

hello there, friend,

i can't remember looking forward to my thirties... although i know i looked forward to starting a family. by the time i turned 30, we had one baby and would soon have two more. my thirties were not the time for me to reflect on or think about who i was. these years were the years of survival... i was in the thick of mothering young children... i was almost wholly focused on diapering and feeding, reading out loud and making food. it's only now, in my forties, than i have been able to think about myself again in a reflective way.

having children has changed so much about me. as with many life experiences, each one allows me room to stretch and grow, requires that i tap into awareness of self and how i interact with the world around me. i am more compassionate, more empathetic. i understand grace now in a way i never did before. i struggle, as mothers do with the demands of care-taking... but i wouldn't trade the person i've become with who i was.

it seems, sometimes, like life is really a journey in which you are wondering all the time, who am i? how did i get here? i am surrendering all the time to not knowing. not knowing the answers... sometimes not even knowing the questions. but seeking all the while.