Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Hello there, friend,

I'm having a hard time finding the words right now. I want to say something good and true, something profound, but my heart is aching about things I can't discuss. Not here, not such a public place. It's the hardest part about our project -- the private sorrows, the pull to be authentic but not negative.

What a tightrope to walk.

The other night, I insisted my husband take an online Myers-Briggs quiz. I am an INFJ and have found it to be startlingly accurate, even if it's just an online version, not the real deal. He turned out to be an ESTJ and as we read about his type, we both laughed out loud at how true it rang. "Let's look up mine," I said. He started reading the traits aloud, feigning surprise at each one: creative, insightful, determined, decisive. Then he read the "weaknesses," which included perfectionist and extremely private. Huh. That sounds about right.

And so, in my weakness and this online world, I struggle. What to say, what not to say. Positive, negative, authentic, phony -- somehow it all rings true, even if all I can say right now is this.