Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Hello there, friend,

Last night my husband and I were having a conversation about our move. I told him I still feel uneasy about where we ended up. He said he had no idea I felt that way, and I said I didn't either until I said it. How often that happens to me. I don't exactly know until it comes out. We kept talking about our values and where it's okay to compromise, which led to more talk about relationships and old hurts, about the journey toward seeing ourselves.

After our conversation, I walked upstairs and climbed into bed with BrenĂ© Brown's new book. And this is what I read:
Courage transforms the emotional structure of our being. This change often brings a deep sense of loss. During the process of rising, we sometimes find ourselves homesick for a place that no longer exists. We want to go back to that moment before we walked into the arena, but there's nowhere to go back to. What makes this more difficult is that now we have a new level of awareness about what it means to be brave. We can't fake it anymore. We now know when we're showing up and when we're hiding out, when we are living our values and when we are not.
I read this passage a few times, letting it sink in. I talk about this all the time, the wishing to go back and knowing that I can't. But would I really go back? No. This road can be hard, but it's the right one -- one of fearlessness and vulnerability, of showing up and being seen. I'm where I'm supposed to be.