Thursday, December 10, 2015

Hello there, friend,

At four o'clock this afternoon, I turned on the television for the kids, grabbed my book, and drew myself a bath. I'm not one to use the TV as a babysitter, but I was desperate and exhausted. Last night was another night of both kids waking and I think I got about four hours of sleep. The actual number is fuzzy. All I know is that I heard one kid at 12:30 and the other at 3, and that I clawed at sleep all night to no avail.

So I drew myself a bath and sank down into the bubbles that surrounded me. I felt the hot water on my sore muscles. I read for a half hour. When people talk about self care, this is it. I held my breath and hoped the TV could sedate my (also exhausted) children so I could get a few moments of peace.

It has been over a month since I slept for eight hours straight. Each night is filled with little feet tiptoeing up the stairs or very early wake-up calls. I pray each night that we would all sleep deeply and well, but so far it hasn't worked. I am desperate for peace. But if the only way I can find it today is in a late afternoon bath, I'll take it. I'll take it however I can.