Thursday, July 14, 2016

Hello there, friend,

A few mornings ago, my husband and I dropped our kids off at camp and went out for coffee. We hadn't done that, just the two of us, in a long while. We sipped coffee in the sunshine, talking about piecing our lives back together now that he's not returning to school in the fall. And a lot of it was about me realizing I need to let go of being in charge of everything. "What if you just stopped?" he asked me. "Do you think we would be all right?"

I thought about that for a few minutes and replied, "Yes. And no." Yes, we would be okay and our family would function. Our day-to-day lives would carry on. But I'm a big picture person. I look at the whole of things. I think about what I want my life to look like decades from now and I'm working backwards to the little steps I can take toward that now. So, no, I can't just let go of everything.

You talk about contentment, and I struggle with it too. I've had to remind myself over and over again this summer to slow down and be present. It reminds me of the Annie Dillard quote: "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." If I'm not content in my day-to-day, I'm not content in my life. This is it. These are the days. And these days will build, one at a time, into a whole life, into that big picture that I hope will come together someday.