Thursday, August 18, 2016

Hello there, friend,

The not-enoughness. It never seems to go away. If I try to wrap my mind around being versus doing, I get dizzy. How do we accomplish anything if we focus solely on being? How do we simply be when we are in the midst of trying to get stuff done? I don't think it can ever be all one or the other. We have to make space for both and know that we will always struggle to walk the line where we can do both well. If we ever can, which maybe we can't.

On this vacation, we've decided as a family to make a video every day. It has been incredibly fun, especially for the kids. But when we first talked about it, I immediately got it into my head that, in addition to making our daily video, I had to download, watch, and edit it that day. That lasted about an hour until I realized that I didn't want to spend hours at the computer while I was on vacation. The videos can wait, as can all the photographs I'm taking. I just want to be here, present in these moments as they happen.

The thing is, I don't have to do any of it. I can edit the videos, or simply throw them all together into one long unedited movie that no one on earth but us would want to watch. Because what matters is that we were here together, that we can look back at the memories we're making -- the boat trips and floating down the river and hiking in the woods -- and actually remember. What matters is figuring out how to be and do and walk away feeling full and happy. That the not-enoughness doesn't take over and rob us of all this joy.