Thursday, September 1, 2016

Hello there, friend,

I struggle to make sense of my emotions too. And I also ask myself what's wrong with me? more often than I'd like to admit. I get taken back to my childhood, where I was told that how I felt was wrong and often wondered if I was lovable. I have to tell that little girl inside that she's okay, that she is loved and it's all going to be okay.

Funny how that still goes on.

I listened to a podcast a few months ago that talked about parenting your inner child, and it was like a lightning bolt flashed from the sky. Why is it so easy to love my children through their struggles, to hold them and tell them that I'm there for them, but I rarely treat myself like that? Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I feel like everything is my fault?

This is the hard work of my life. It's what I signed up for when I got married and later became a mother. This family, my family, was going to be different. No one would wonder if they were loved. No one would be told their feelings were wrong or to stop crying when they needed to shed a few tears. They would know that when they were most vulnerable, they would be scooped up into loving arms and held tightly. They would know they were safe and that they belong here. And that includes me. I still need that too.