Thursday, September 15, 2016

hello there, friend,

i've been thinking about pain, too. i finished reading glennon doyle melton's second memoir last week and while i can't say i've hit rock bottom in the same ways she has, i can say i've experienced pain and i know i will again. i wonder if it's only in retrospect that we can see the full extent of our pain. sometimes while we are in it, we are just pushing through on autopilot, navigating one small thing at a time. once we come out of it, we feel more alive, sometimes feeling like ourselves for the first time in a while.

i've had periods like this over the years. not unlike seasons, it seems it is part of my experience to cycle in and out of times where i feel more uncomfortable and in pain. glennon talks about feeling like the world is gray with little color during these periods. when they are over, the world seems bright and dripping with color and sound and wonder. she understands this is how it is and when a period like this begins she knows it will pass.

she also talks about the hot potato that pain can be and the way in which we pass it on to others when we refuse to hold it ourselves. we wound others unintentionally by not being willing to hold onto and sit with our pain. now i understand that when someone is hurtful to me, they have thrown their pain potato to me, because it was too hard for them to hold.

this metaphor has really resonated with me. i'm learning all the time about my own emotions and feelings. i know now that pain has something to teach me, i know now that i have to sit with it, and not pass it on to those around me.