Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Hello there, friend,

I've been thinking about math, specifically the equation of my life. I run calculations through my head. If I subtract this, will I add something else? How do I solve this part so I can solve that? Is this equation balanced? Which, if anything, are variables?

Once upon a time, I was anxious to add. I added more and more, intuiting that there would always be subtraction; maybe believing that you could never add too much. I'm not sure. I only know that that sort of math used to thrill me. Everything was an adventure. It all came from a place of yes.

But the older I get, the more I value subtraction. I don't need more; I need what's right. Right now, which is always changing like a graph that keeps waving up and down, sometimes at regular intervals and other times erratically. So I look around? What can I subtract? What's holding me down, holding me back? Where do I need to place my attention? I wrestle with all of it, wondering if I'll ever know the correct answer.