Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Hello there, friend,

The last few days have been a struggle. I've been feeling disconnected from myself, struggling to understand why the same issues keep coming up. Why can't I get a grip? Things feel light one minute and heavy the next; easy now and stressful later. I wonder if this is normal. I remind myself about our conversation about practice. Nothing helps.

I spent some time journaling about all of this, searching for what's at the heart of it. What I came to was one word: authenticity. It's a word that's been in my vocabulary for years, one that's become part of the official party line: Be authentic, be honest, be real. I wrote the word out in big block letters, then drew an arrow and wrote self-acceptance, self-love. Because that's what's missing for me, that's my stumbling block. Not accepting myself, not loving myself.

And so these days have been a teeter-totter. I'm constantly trying to fix it. But I think I might finally be onto something, something that might ground me and give me a bit of clarity about where to go from here. I hope.