Tuesday, October 18, 2016

hello there, friend,

before having kids i was definitely more likely to go with the flow because i could. when i began teaching, i could stay as late as i needed to for planning, go out with my girlfriends every thursday night, and sleep as late as i wanted to most saturday mornings. once we had kids going with the flow took on new meaning.

i stayed home in those early years and going with the flow meant i nursed babies when they were hungry, put them down for naps or bedtime when they were sleepy. we spent our waking hours reading and singing and taking walks and often, i followed their lead or decided how to spend our day as the spirit moved me.

i've always preferred to live that way, to get up in the morning and decide what to do as i feel led. i don't like to plan too far ahead or make decisions in advance, i love when things are spontaneous. i think i have a fear of either missing out by making the wrong decision. and while this can be seen as laid back, it can sometimes be paralyzing.

in our home, i think i gave up long ago on trying to keep it all together. i got too tired and frustrated by doing so much of the work myself. and because three kids under three were always making messes, i decided to ignore them in favor of reading a book or taking a walk or doing something for me. i continue to struggle with this because i do find 'outer order contributes to inner calm', but i find it more necessary to take care of me. and to some extent going with the flow right now means letting go of some of the order.