Monday, October 17, 2016

Hello there, friend,

It's taken me years to be able to go with the flow. I'm still working on it. But in an effort to carry a lightness and focus on what matters, I'm realizing that trying to fit everything into perfectly neat little boxes isn't worth the effort. I still have a plan, it's just a loose one. Things still get done, but rare is the day when everything goes the way I think it should.

But I'm still not good with the messes. The literal ones, I mean. I feel best when I walk into a mostly uncluttered room, when the bed's made and the dishes are done. I am ruthless about throwing things away or hiding them in baskets, which makes it easier to contain the messes. It makes things easier in general.

I've often wondered about this need to keep things tidy. Why am I this way? In part, I think it's because I'm an adult and I get to control what my home looks like. I find that empowering and it motivates me to do things like paint rooms and contain clutter. But I also think it's because my mind can be a messy place, making connections and recalling things that happen, filing away information and still holding space for daydreams. My mind is a place I can't clean up, try as I may, so I control what I can and let the rabbit trails in my head have their way.