Thursday, December 1, 2016

Hello there, friend,

When I was younger, I had a huge chip on my shoulder. My childhood was deeply entrenched in conflict and pain, both of which I took out into the world and gladly unloaded on anyone I could. It followed me into my adulthood and sometimes still rears its ugly head.

When I married my husband, I was determined to change my life. I didn't want our family, the one we were creating, to be like what I had experienced. I was going to be different. And when my daughter was born after four years of marriage, I sunk my teeth in deep to those changes. But here's the thing about changing your life: it doesn't happen overnight. It's one small change, then another and another until they snowball into something that, years later, you might say was worth all of the effort.

That's how I felt this last month. It was long and hard and heavy. I prayed more than I have in a long time. I cried a lot and felt confused. I hurt. I know I'm not alone in any of this. A lot of people were confused and hurt this last month, and for a lot of different reasons. But instead of taking my pain out into the world and passing it around, I tried to be quiet and listen. There's so much I don't understand, but I'm willing to listen.

And that's how I know that I've changed. This last month has showed me that. And now I'm ready to move forward into a new month, one filled with the saving graces of the holidays. There's so much to look forward to and to be grateful for -- the hard times, and the good.