Monday, January 30, 2017

Hello there, friend,

A few years ago, I decided at that time to pour all of my energy into my real life, into building friendships and creating a support system of people I could reach out and touch. I had had enough of the internet, of constantly trying to figure out who I was out there online and trying to reconcile it to who I was in here, in my flesh and blood and spirit. You know as well as I do that those things don't fit into neat and tidy boxes. We create personas even when we're trying to be authentic.

In October, I was with friends, wandering around a park taking their engagement photos. "How's things?" they asked. "Great," I said. "I feel like a real adult again." I was spending more time with friends, going to the pottery studio regularly, and getting out into the world in a way I hadn't since before I had children.

Last week, I started a new pottery class and spent Tuesday night hunched over the wheel forming lumps of clay into cups. It was like I could breathe again, like I could step away from work and home and my children, away from the internet and the pressure to be constantly participating. It was refreshing to get back to something that felt like really living. I want more of that. What I really want is to feel okay with who I am and my what my life is. If the internet ended tomorrow, I want to know that my life is rich and my relationships strong. And, of course, that I'd still have time to get my hands on some clay.