Thursday, January 12, 2017

Hello there, friend,

Last year was a hard year. On New Year's Eve, when my husband and I dragged our kids to Home Depot to buy boring household stuff, I talked with him about the last year and was taken aback by how hard it truly was.

A year ago, Christmas was brutal on both sides of the family and we were preparing for my husband to start nursing school full time while also holding down a full- and part-time job. I was getting my bearings with working at home, subtracting a writing job where I was getting micromanaged and adding in stock photography, all while trying to be a full-time mom to a six and three year-old. By February, we were toast, and on Valentine's Day had one of the biggest fights of our marriage. I have no idea how we made it to May when we found out he hadn't passed the semester (by two-tenths of a point), and we were totally lost.

I don't know how we made it.

But by year's end, we had struggled through, had a million conversations, and put in the blood, sweat, and tears necessary to save our marriage and our life. By year's end, everything felt okay. When we talked about the year as a whole, we were both amazed. We'd each add a "remember that?" only to be met with an incredulous "oh, yeah."

I think all of this is why I'm reluctant to put any sort of stamp on the new year. I'm more than happy to turn the page on 2016 and move forward with things exactly as they are. I don't want to seek out challenges. I don't want the obligation. But I do want to keep putting one foot in front of the other, hopefully with kindness and grace, knowing a bit more about myself and how to love those around me. Whatever comes next, this is what I want.