Wednesday, February 8, 2017

hello there, friend,

i've written before about my tendency when i was younger to yearn for the next thing. i spent hours daydreaming about whatever it was i thought would be more fulfilling than the life i was currently living. now i see how that robbed me of the finding joy and gratitude in whatever stage of life i was in. maybe some of that is human nature - this desire to long for something we don't have.

sometimes, i realize with a twinge of disbelief, that i have everything i've ever wanted in many ways. those things i daydreamed about are my reality - marriage, children, a home. but i hope that even if my daydreams and reality didn't quite match up, i still would have learned lessons about gratitude. that i would have come to this place where i could be grateful for my life, no matter the particulars.

i'm at a place in my life where i can no longer even imagine next year, let alone a few years from now. my 16 year old is driving and in the next two years, she'll decide how and what to do with her life after high school. in two more years, the same will be true for my younger two. the predictability i knew when they were younger is, in some ways, a thing of the past. we are negotiating this new place together... and i'm trying to not wish any of it away... but to find joy and gratitude every single day.