Thursday, March 9, 2017

Hello there, friend,

Very early this morning, I was awoken by a little voice, my son's, saying he was scared in his room. I pulled back the covers and he climbed into bed with me. He cuddled in as close as he could, pressed his body up to my torso and pulled up his knees. Every time this happens, I wonder how much longer he'll fit like this, his little body curving right into mine. I often think about what it'll be like when he grows taller than me. Will I remember this little boy who visited me in the middle of the night?

The only certainty is uncertainty, and I felt that as I walked him back to his room. I had gone to bed early last night, tired from a long day and anticipating another. Here I was, up in the middle of the night and when I returned to bed, I couldn't get back to sleep. Sometimes it's so overwhelming, not being able to control everything, including sleep. I try to have realistic expectations, but sometimes I wonder how any of us goes on, so tired, so overwhelmed.

But this morning, I came downstairs and started the coffee. I wrote in my journal for a bit, then the kids came out from breakfast. We kissed good morning and I turned on the music. Perhaps there's uncertainty under all of it, but some things remain the same -- the coffee is hot, the music is happy, we're starting the day together. Forget the bad night's sleep or the cold rain outside -- we're here. Today is another day.